Looking back

A lot has happened this last 12 months, and more is coming. I started this blog last year to talk through some concerns and issues I was having with my fellowship situation. Over the year, I used this blog to discuss some of those issues. Eventually I came to the conclusion that I needed to withdraw from the assembly where I had been. That was last Fall.

At the end of October we started attending meetings in an Anglican church not far from our house. We've been attending the meetings there more or less constantly since, although we've been out sick and out of town a couple times. We still don't take communion there: they practice a closed table.

Some people from the assembly where we had been have called me: I need to return those calls. I'm not trying to avoid anyone: I've just been really busy.

I've come to some conclusions about the Church and my place in it over the last year. I've also come to some conclusions about my walk with the Lord Jesus. Some of those I'll share, others are very private.

One lesson I'm learning is to be quiet. Somewhere along the way, I got the idea that godliness is reflected in someone's willingness to speak up in public. I suppose that's common in some of the assembly circles where I've fellowshipped: quiet meetings are loudly discouraged by many.

I'm having to learn to be willing to never speak out loud in a meeting again. I'm having to learn that the Lord's will for me may well be to be quiet. I'm having to learn that I'm not the centre of attention. The Lord's place for me might well be in the back row, sitting quietly. I think part of the problem with being quiet is, the flesh loves to have attention. When I get used to speaking out in meetings, it might just be that the flesh in me is getting a high off the attention. Learning to be quiet is a very hard lesson.

I'm having to learn some humility in dealing with the children of God. For years I was able to just write off the vast majority of Christians as being "in the systems," confident that I was part of the remnant. My current position makes that impossible: and that's to God's glory too. And it's awfully hard to say "I'm not sure what I should be doing, or where I should be fellowshipping right now."

I'm having to learn patience: what the Lord has for me is a question I can't answer. I need to wait on Him to make that clear.

I'm having to learn to let God be God.

So at this point I have more questions than answers. That hasn't gone over too well in some quarters, but I can't really help that.